Walking By Faith

In early September, I will begin teaching a women's Bible study by Jennifer Rothschild called Walking By Faith: Lessons Learned in the Dark. It is exciting to be able to walk with my sisters in Christ through studies like this. God reveals so many things to each of us in our own personal language. While the revelation may be the similar, the application to each person is always unique. What a joy to see God in a different light! He is so much more than I can or ever will imagine.

This past week has been one trial after another. I expected it. When teaching on faith, Satan will surely do all he can to lessen the efficacy of the message. This time of testing has hit one of the most tender places in my heart...it involves my children.

We found out that there is a chance for the girls to be given to a relative. Our court hearing this month will be a fight to keep these precious girls from going to an unsafe place. We like all the other members of our team believed their was no possible way for this to happen, but it has. Fear is a constant companion, but I am trying to continually lay it down at the feet of God.

Please pray for and with us. We are desperate for God to intercede on the behalf of these girls. Their safety is in danger. God is our hope and answer.

Abba, Father, I know that you are not surprised or shaken by the news we received. You knew before the creation of the world what would happen to these children. Forgive my unbelief. Help me to believe, to rest in You, to lay it all down and let You work as only You can. God, I am scared for Hazel and Emilly and our family.

Lord, let truth be revealed in every situation regarding these children and each family member. Open the judges eyes and mind! Give him wisdom and understanding to make the best decision for these children. For each therapist, GAL, social worker, biological family member and anyone else who will sit on that stand, let only complete truth pour out of their mouths. Give the attornies the questions that will shine a light on the dangers of this placement. For each piece of information that has been or will be entered regarding the safety and wellbeing of these children, let it jump off the page! Let not one piece of evidence be overlooked. Thank you, God, for loving Hazel and Emilly more than I do. I love you!

Monk & Neagle

Check out this video by Monk & Neagle. Their album will be out in September. I am crazy about The Twenty-First Time and Hallelujah Jesus.

Letting Go And Letting God

This morning as I read a post by Sarah, I saw in
myself the controlling person I do not want to be. My mind has wanted to manipulate things to be how I feel they should be with little or no thought as to God's will.

You see Hazel is going to school in August. She is excited. Daily she talks about her new school, new friends and learning to read. Even people we pass in the store know that this precious little girl is going to school.

This is not a joy that I have shared with her. The thought of her going and spending and entire day with a group of people I do not know strikes fear and desperation deep within my heart. She is so young, naive, tenderhearted, and wounded. Trusting her to someone else...allowing them to lead her in her daily walk...have mercy, Lord! I do not think I can stand it! Someone else will be spending more time with her than I will.

Then there is the ever growing fear that plagues my mind to its core. What if they are mean to her? Little girls, children really, can be so catty and unkind. She has been hurt enough for at least three lifetimes. Can her heart bear anymore?

Lord, how do I step back and trust that you are walking with her? You know each step that she will take, and how each trial will bring glory to Your name. How do I walk with her and guide her, and, yet, not control? How will my heart not shrivel and die or become enraged when someone speaks or acts unkind to her? She is so fragile emotionally. Hazel brings out my extreme emotions, Lord. She is brightest of joy, the loudest of laughter, and darkest valley. Will I trust You with with her heart and mine?

Look on Hazel with favor as she goes off to school. Guard her heart and mind against those things which are not pure or those things which would cause her pain. Give her courage to try new things. Burn in her heart the desire to be more like You and less like me.

Thank you, God, for the gift of Hazel. She is so precious, and I adore her. There is nothing in my life that is deserving to be called her mother, but through your mercy you made it so. You have, are and will heal so many hurts in her.

Help me trust You one day at a time. I love you, Father!

Today is the National Day of Prayer. A day to intercede on behalf of our country, government, church and anything else that God should lay on your heart.

My prayers will also be for Heather and her family. Heather is a wife and mother. She is an outstanding woman of faith. Several weeks ago she was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. Today she is at the Mayo clinic. Heather will be having surgery to remove this tumor. There are so many risk in this surgery, but there is so much to be gained if it is successful. Please keep her in your prayers today. This next week will be difficult. Pray also for her husband, Mark, and her children, Elijah, Easton and Emma Grace.

I Thought I Had Heard It All

Potty training with Emilly has not proven to be one of my finer moments. She can leave me completely frustrated as we get so close only to have a string of accidents. It seems that we have been working on this forever!

This past month has proven much better than oh say...the last 5 in the potty training department. We have even gone so far as to wear panties to bed with no accidents! Emilly has also been able to go to the bathroom without needing help. YEAH!

Today she went to potty and came back and proceeded to tell me that the stuff in her panties was not poop but chocolate. Every red flag in my head that was available went up . After investigating the situation a little closer, I discovered that it was indeed poop and not chocolate. Emilly claims that she pooped in the potty. I have scoured the house in search of any escapees, but, alas, have found none. My praise must be this, I even checked her mouth (she did call it chocolate) and there was no evidence found there either!

A Smiling Tree Frog

(Luna in our rhodendron in the summer of 2005)

Today was one of those days I would have rather slept through. Most people will not even begin to understand what the deal is, but to me it was a big deal. It was a loss that I was not prepared for.

When I woke this morning, I realized that my frog, Luna, was not well. She had not been herself in a few days, but today I knew that something needed to be done to relieve her suffering. There is so little that can be done medically to treat a frog. So, when they are ill there is only one choice.

It was not a moment I would want to do over again. It is better left in the past. Luna is peacefully resting now. Jazz, her companion, for the past 7 years is now alone. Our home is minus one smiling frog. But our lives have been enriched through having a little frog named Luna.

On A Lighter Note

Emilly is our youngest at two. The older she gets the funnier she gets. A year ago she was the most serious person you would have ever met. Today...well, it is difficult to get her to be serious even for a moment.

Last night as I was getting the girls ready for bed, I told Emilly to straighten up her room. She immediately burst into tears. "I don't want to!" she exclaimed. I simply explained to her that wanting to was not required. She needed to get it done or she would have a consequence. Let's just say that she ended up with a consequence. When she had finished her consequence she came back to her room to clean, and she looked up at me with those huge gray eyes. And then spoke as evenly as if she had rehearsed it and said, "I'm still not happy."

I about fell over trying not to laugh. She is just so funny. Sometimes I am sure she knows it and other times I don't think she has a clue. Life is going to be filled with lots of funny moments with this child around.

Times of Resfreshing

To say that I am driven would be an understatement. Stopping is not something I allow myself to do often. These past few months had taken their toll on my over all well being. Calling me cranky, punchy and unlovely would have been too kind most days. Life had worn me down, and I had swung wide the door to allow it to happen.

This past Friday I was suppose to go to the Women of Joy conference in Gatlinburg, TN. The only problem was that I was sick. Wednesday I came down with some crazy bug. By Friday my temperature was near normal, but I was exhausted. I could not stay out of the bed. There was just no way I felt that I could possibly drive that far and sit for all those hours. But leave it to God to inspire me through the children. They were obnoxious! So, I managed to get my stuff together and set out to pick up my friend Debbie.

Needless to say, we made it to Gatlinburg, and I was exhausted. We did not have time to go to the hotel to rest prior to the conference beginning.

Our first speaker was Candace Cameron Buree. Can you say adorable? Candace is new to the speaking world. She does not have a seasoned, polished testimony in her repertoire. Instead, she comes to you from a real perspective. What really touched my heart the most about "her story" is that she tried in with all her might to tell her husband all the amazing things that she had learned about God. He was turned off by all of it. After being told by Val to stop talking about it, Candace could only turn to God. Through several years of prayer and waiting, God changed Val's heart. Val and Candace were to baptized on the same day. The pastor baptized Val first, and then told him that as the spiritual head of his family he needed to baptize his wife. How great is our God? Precious!

Debbie and I missed hearing Lisa Harper speak on Saturday morning. Ladies, it is just wrong to have a weekend off and a speaker begin at 8:30! We did make it for Chonda Pierce at 10:30. And isn't she always worth it? Her story gets better every year!

Saturday afternoon we spent walking around Gatlinburg. TOURIST TRAP! For the life of me, I cannot figure out what the HUGE draw is for people! I did pick up some sweet little t-shirts for the girls, but other than that...not a lot of things of value.

OK Saturday night was by far my favorite time with God that weekend. Michael W Smith performed. This is my first time seeing Smitty. To say he was amazing would be an understatement, but I don't really remember a lot about him. It was time I spent before God. BTW Smitty is working on a new Christmas album. We had a taste of it and it was amazing! I cannot wait for it!

Let me just add this little tidbit in here. Debbie and I had been waiting for this weekend to play games. She was sure that she would beat me, but I knew there was no way. Anyway, let's just say I smoked her! I think she was still sore from her beating the next morning.

Angela Thomas closed out the conference on Sunday morning. If you have never heard her before, you should! She is an ordinary woman with an extraordinary heart. I would like to hear her again.

OK so we left Gatlinburg and stopped in Pigeon Forge. Had to pick up a few things for the girls. And then we headed home. As we neared the interstate, we decided to stop at the Bass Pro Shop. Now, internets, I know that I have lead a sheltered life. This was my first time in one of these little stores. Let's just say I.HAD.A.BLAST. I played on the four wheelers, took my picture with all the animals, and oh'd and ah'd myself silly! I apologized to all the animals that they had to loose their life for me to have my picture taken with them. After this experience I am thinking that I need a four wheeler. A camo one to be exact. There was just something quite sassy about me sitting there on it with my hot pink capri pants on. Looking good!

The moral of the story is that it was a fabulous weekend. My prayer is that God will keep alive the fire that burned so brightly in my soul this weekend. I am even more thankful for the gift of friendship. Debbie and I have been friends for years, but each day is a little sweeter because of the gift of friendship God has blessed us with.

Times of refreshing...let's do it again!

Sweet Peace

Tonight as I sit here and ponder all that has happened today, I am overwhelmed by the reality of God moving in the midst of so many areas of my life.

My day started with my girls climbing in bed with me. Last night I stayed up way too late. So this moring was nothing if not slow. We had just begun to stir when I received a text message from my friend Debbie asking me to call her at work. I knew immediately something was wrong. When I called her, I knew that she was crying. This is not good. Her sweet dog Thea has not been well, and I feared the worst. Turns out Thea was alive, but been mysteriously injured. The vets were stitching up Thea's neck. If the cut had been 1mm closer it would have severed her jugular. Thea is doing well tonight. God heard the prayers and sweetly answered the prayers that were offered for a sweet little dog, Thea, and her mommy.

Then I found out that Nikolai is doing better. Nick is a twelve year old boy with leukemia, and he has not been well for the last week. Today was nothing short of a miracle for Nick and his family.

And then I find out that sweet little Ashley may be released to go home to Texas this week! How great is our God! There are many obstacles to overcome this week, but God is moving to reunite this precious family soon.

But it did not stop there. Tomorrow is our day in court. It has not been looking good for our case, but today...today God showed up and evidence arrived today that can totally change our case. We are praying that it will be entered as evidence and that our case will be heard. From our vantage point we are seeing God place piece after piece in order for His glory to be revealed. I cannot wait.

Tonight I am relaxed and ready for tomorrow. This is not usual. I am usually the one who is afraid of what will happen, but not now. There is praise filling my heart that I cannot explain.

Let Your glory be revealed tomorrow!

Spring Delights

What a delight to see the first signs of spring all around. It is my favorite time of the year! Everything is new and fresh. The birds seem almost as excited about the coming season as I do. My soul is invigorated with their songs of praise to their Creator.

God is alive and working in our midst. I have seen His hands in so many ways this past week. Yesterday He held our friend as her husband left his earthly wears and stepped into his heavenly wears. Today he touched another friend who is struggling with leukemia. Our friend was too sick to move. Today he is talking, laughing and enjoying more things. Oh, isn't He wonderful? Last week we saw God move in our lives. He has set a judge on the bench this week who is a Christian. His rulings are trustworthy and we are thankful that we have a man whom we can trust.

Great are the works of the Lord; they are pondered by all who delight in them. Glorious and majestic are his deeds, and his righteousness endures forever. He has caused his wonders to be remembered; the Lord is gracious and compassionate. Psalm 111:2-4

A Must Read!

I have just finished reading a post by Kevin Wood the pastor at The Church at Trace Crossing in Tupelo, MS. His writing amazes me! This was moving. This was written for the first service in their new building.

Kevin had written another post in September as the church was just beginning that was so vivid. Take a moment a read this.

Food for thought

Please stop by and read this blog by Melissa Moore. What an amazing perspective this offers! It will definitely make you think about where you have placed your values and what consequence this has for you and for those involved.

Simply Stated

In January I purchased two little saucer type sleds for our family. After all, we have lived here for almost two years and have not had the "luxury" of sleds until now. Since the purchase of these little sleds, it has snowed several times, but never enough to be able to use said items. Until this weekend! Saturday night it snowed...not a lot, but enough to enjoy our new toys.

After breakfast, I bundled the children up and out we went. The girls were exuberant to finally be able to sled. The first hill we tried was a little steep. Hazel barely made it all the way to the top and Emilly and I well barely made any progress. When all seemed futile, I put Emilly on a sled and sent her down what little progress we had made. I slid down on my hands and knees backwards as I lost my footing.

So, we tried another hill. VIOLA! The sledding began. With my husband in place at the bottom of the hill to catch whomever came down, we commenced with the fun. (for if we were to keep going we would have propelled ourselves over the embankment) Let me tell you...those little saucers fly. The girls finally talked their dad into taking them down together. So, Thom layed down and the girls sat on his stomach. TOO FUNNY! They had a blast.

The snow did not last the day, but we had a great time while it lasted.

Today as we headed out to an appointment, Hazel asked what the white dusty stuff was on our car. I explained that it was salt that had been placed on the road to melt the snow and ice. She so sweetly asked, "Salt and pepper, Mommy?"

You Are Loved

February 17, 1987, I do not remember where I was that day or what I was doing. Nor did I know that my son had been born on that day. At barely sixteen, what could you really expect? It would be more than a decade before we would actually meet.

Our first meeting happened in February 1998 at McDonald's. You were precious. Small for your age with the largest brown eyes, I was head over heals for you the moment I saw you. You didn't have much to say that night...our meeting was awkward. You probably felt that every movement you made was being scrutinized. I was afraid you would not like me...that somehow I would not measure up to what you wanted in a new mommy. After all, you loved the one you had had so deeply.

Things worked out. We all agreed it was worth our best shot. So, that is what we did. We were and are so proud to call you "ours". A priceless treasure from heaven. You have grown into a strong and handsome man. I love that when people see us together, they always think that you belong by birth. What they don't realize is that we have something better than that! We belong by choice. I would choose you again. Hope you would say the same!

For your birthday I want to tell you are loved beyond measure. I pray that you will allow God to have complete control over your life. He is faithful. Trust Him even when you have nothing within you to trust with.

Mike, I love you!

Praying for Ashley

Tonight I found out that sweet little Ashley has cancer. My heart is overwhelmed with sadness. What a tough road this little one has traveled! And now the road seems even longer.

Trish, Ashley's mom, has been by her side through it all. Her faith in God is strong. Since I began reading Ashley's journal last year, I have come to love Trish and Ashley. They have become a part of my family each day. Each morning and evening I check in to see how they are doing. Sometimes I check through out the day.

Please join me and many people in the blogging community as we pray for Ashley, Trish and the rest of the family. If you have a moment, stop by and leave Trish a comment and let her know that you are praying for her.

Deja Vu

Brianna Elijah Zane

Seven years ago next month, my world was shattered. DSS arrived at my house unannounced. They explained to me that the three foster children we had would be moved from our care on March 15.

I do not remember seeing it coming. If I did, I did not recognize it for what it was. My husband who was in the service had been transferred out of state. I had stayed in our home awaiting the final approval for all of our family to move to be with my husband. We had had one of these siblings for over three years and the other two siblings we had had over a year. These children were all going to be up for adoption soon. There was a no reconciliation plan for all of them. No parental visits had taken place in years. Nothing but the adoption to begin. Our worker had assured us it would be approved.

Our petition was denied. They decided to try for reunification with their biological family. The children would be moving to live with a foster family whom we knew and liked. I knew the children would be loved and cared for, but it was not ok. They were my children. We were suppose to be forever!

On March 15, we took the children to live with their new family. The kids did not understand at that moment that it was forever. They had known this family and come to love them. It was more like a visit for them.

Saying goodbye that night was devastating. I do not remember how we got home that night or what the next few days were like. Leaving that home and driving north felt like my heart was being pulled in two directions. My heart desired to be with my husband who had returned to our new home and the other to my children whom I had left forever.

These children are still in my heart. I will always consider Elijah, Brianna and Zane to be my children. My heart can see them no other way. Zane, whom we had for over three years, was one of the most amazing "through the fire" stories that can ever be told. Elijah had an honest heart. Brianna was the external sign of all the internal abuse that they had endured in their short lives. I love them all so much!

Zane was a sweet blessing from God. You see Zane was born on February 21, 1996. On February 20, 1996 I had lost my child. Zane reminded me that God closes one door and opens another. Zane was a sweet balm that soothed my wounded soul. I need Zane as much as he needed me.

So, as you can see, my heart is a little sensitive about the dates February 20, 21 and March 15. It is filled with joy on one hand and much sadness on the other.

On March 15, 2007, we will be back in court. This is the day that we will find out if our girls will be staying with us or going to live in Florida. I have tried not to acknowledge that the days are the same or that it could be deja vu. It is not a superstition but just a memory of something that forever changed my life.

It reminds me of the song by Casting Crowns, Praise You in This Storm.

And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm

Today God, I will praise you in this storm. The waves are crashing all around me, but I will not be swallowed up. I will lift my hands in praise to the God who made the waves. Lift me up! Let me see your face...let me know that you have not forgotten my family. As Hazel says so often, "I NEED MY GOD!" I need my family and they need me! Please do not allow a judge to separate us. I will trust you to keep us safe. I love you, God! Bless and protect Elijah, Brianna and Zane as only you can. Heal their hearts, Lord. They have suffered so much. May their lives be a witness of the greatness of their God!

Goodness!

OH.MY.GOODNESS! To be as beautiful as those around me!

Have I lost my mind?

I love to start new projects! LOVE IT! So, it was nothing new when a while ago I decided to change the look of our cabinets. I wanted to stain them either a dark espresso or ebony. Well, after looking at our choices, my husband choose ebony. We purchased all the new toys it would take to make this little project work.

Now due to the fact that I have two little girls it has made progress on this project...well, let's just say a little slow. The whole stain thing did not work. After many attempts to make it work, we realized that we would have to completely strip all of the wood to succeed. NO.THANK.YOU! So, we decided to paint them instead. We decided on black.

Let me interrupt all of this by saying that I love it! It really sets things apart. We had a small concern about darkness and all, but it is really crisp looking.

Now we are far from being done, but I am even more excited about this than when I began. It takes a little age off of our 40+ year old cabinets.

While focusing so diligently on this project something in me decided it is time to potty train Emilly. So, I am refusing to buy diapers. What exactly am I thinking?

So, each time I pick up the sander, Emilly either needs to potty or stands beside me and wets her pants. Nice, isn't' it? The issue is that I cannot always hear her over the sander. I mean once you are holding a power tool in your hand something takes over. It is such an amazing rush of...of...well, power!

The moral of the story is do not try to huge projects at one time.(especially one involving personal body fluids that I am still responsible for) It makes both processes rather difficult. Why is it that I choose huge task in multiples? On the other hand won't it be great when both are done!

My lover is mine and I am his

Check this out!

Welcome to Bloggityville

If you have a moment stop by a welcome Debbie! She has resisted joining the blog world until today. Glad you could join us, Deb! I love you.

I love you

Time seems to be ticking by so quickly this week. Maybe it is that time may be running out for us. I want to hold on a little tighter to each moment. At times, it is like sand slipping through my fingers.

Hazel, my beloved child, you are unspeakable joy. You love to serve your family in a way that can only be God's work. He is preparing you for something huge. You have humbled me with the depth of your happiness and sadness. At your lowest moments, you always tell me "I need my God!" What a profound statement for such a young child! You trust God with all the bad things you hide so deep inside. Do not lose that trust in Him. He is faithful. He is safe. He does not promise life without pain or trouble, but He promises that you will overcome this world.

At gymnastics I see in you untouched potential. Your love for each new skill is inspiring. Keep your focus and always have fun. (don't forget to point your toes! :-)

My baby, Emilly, you come across as shy and introverted. Yet, underneath it all is a funny little girl who loves to laugh. God has given you the gift of nurturing. I see it in the way you care for each baby or other children. So precious! You are growing so fast. I treasure each moment I have to hold you and cuddle with you. Time seems to be running out fast! Won't you let me hold you one more time?

Girls, these next few weeks seem so fragile. Let's hold on to each other and the gift of family that God has given us for a season. I cannot promise that we will be together forever, but I promise that you have left fingerprints all over my heart. I love you each but not the same. You are each special, and I treasure the differences that make each of you unique.

Pray for Ashley

Ashely went into cardiac arrest last night. She was brought back, but she is not doing well. Please stop by and leave a comment to encourage her family. God bless Ashley. Our hearts cry out along with her family.

Not today, God! Let her stay for a while. So many dreams have been dreamt of her life, let them be Lord. So many hopes! Let her life be a living example of the power of God. The answered prayer. The miracle that cannot be explained other than a simple "It was You!" Her parents, brother and sister have given their all for this beautiful little girl. You require so much of them since the beginning. Your grace has been sufficient. Your mercies are new each morning. Oh, Father, let her stay.

Ashley's page www.ashleyadamsjournal.blogspot.com/

For Kelli with love

Today is the day the loving officially begins for Kelli. If you do not know about her, please check out this :

Almighty provider, our great and mighty God, we ask that you would provide for Kelli the funds that she needs. You know the needs and desires of her heart. Love her in a way that is purely tangible and can only be a true God thing. She is so precious to all who come in contact with her. Guide her doctors. Thank you God for providing the money, a kidney and all the strength that is needed for her journey. You are ever so faithful, and I love you, Father.