Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Forever Changed

Our eight month anniversary is almost here. It seems like a lifetime and then it seems all so new. Already I can say, I am forever by changed by loving you.

Hazel you have the most stunning blue eyes, and a happiness that glows in the worst of times. You love people and they love you. If laughter is the best medicine, we are more healthy because of you.

When you arrived in January you brought with you a truckload of raw emotion. Anything and everything could send you into a screaming rage. I felt unable to help you deal with everything. How could a four year old child have so much hurt inside them?

But God is good! He has brought us to a much better place together. The anger and rage that lived at the surface of you has been slowly chipped away. There is more love and trust in its place. Oh, there is still a long way to go, but look how far He has brought us!

Now we are faced with a new challenge. Your biological father has surfaced. You have never really known him in your four years of life, but now he wants to take you to live with him. In the next few weeks, you will meet him. At first you won't know him as your father but just as another person in this world. After his paternity is confirmed, you will be introduced formally. This thought devastates me. You are ours!

We may not be related by blood, but we are family. I have loved you as my own, and in my heart you hold a place that only a true daughter can hold. Your dad feels the same way. No, not the one who's paternity is being tested, but the man who has held you the past eight months as close as any biological dad should.

I do not know what these next few months will hold, but I know who holds them. He is faithful even in the worst of times. Daily I will seek to trust Him a little more with these feelings of fear. Losing you is a reality I do not wish to face, but should my God bring it to be then I know He will hold our hands. Your family here will love you for an eternity, dear one.